How I Stumbled Upon a Secret Lesson from Pick-Up Artists

In this post I’m going to talk to you about what I’ve learned from studying pick-up artists and how attraction works. It’s possible that you are uncomfortable reading about pick-up artists and believe that what they do is dirty and manipulative. If you believe that, I understand completely why you feel that way because some of them are dirty and manipulative and I address that.

However, learning about picking-up chicks from various books such as Double Your Dating and The Game has actually helped me evolve as a person. It’s crazy to think about how my curiosity for picking up girls has led me to grow as a person.

Why Did I Want To Learn From Pick-Up Artists?

 

Think about it for just a second, pick-up artists have a bad rap.

They are considered seducers, manipulators and sometimes womanizers.

Why in the hell would I ever want to learn from people like them?

First things first….I’m a guy and I like to meet attractive & intelligent women.

I want to be able to turn girls who I am attracted to into girlfriends if I choose to. I want to be able to have a great relationship with a girl so that we can add value to each others life.

Image: Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I also love having a hot girl on my arm when I’m walking around places, it boosts my ego.

These are all skills that pick-up artists have…and I like learning from people who can do what I want to do 🙂

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I can get to the message here…

How Did Pick-Up Help Me?

It all started when I was about 16 years old and came across the Double Your Dating eBook from Eben Pagan, aka David DeAngelo 😉

I was always interested in how to have the best girlfriend and have always been obsessed with learning. I read the book once when I was 16 and then started doing the stuff. It worked great and I had an awesome relationship for a few years throughout college.

That relationship ended and I was back in the “single” life and didn’t really like it. I was comfortable in a relationship and felt like I should still have been in one. This caused me to really question who I was and who I was becoming with my life and if I liked the direction I was taking.

I seemed to be getting better at school, learning a lot about business and marketing and was in good shape thanks to P90X kicking my ass for about 6 months straight. But something was missing…

I had all those aspects of my life together and realized I wasn’t fulfilled with living the single life and wasn’t even taking the time to meet girls. It’s funny how when some things in life are going well, you forget about other things.

Over the summer of 2010 I really started to get back into the dating stuff I had once read. I then bought a few more products from David DeAngelo and eventually got books from all these other “pick-up artists”.

I spent countless hours going through this information. I mean hour upon hour…upon hour.

I would listen to it while working out, while driving my car, while walking to class and when I was just lounging around.

While going through one of David DeAngelo’s many products, I noticed something. He was recommending a ton of books that had absolutely nothing to do with getting laid. He was recommending books about psychology, becoming an alpha male, becoming a better version of you, business books and getting your life together.

My initial thoughts when I saw this…

How is this going to get me laid??

 

Yep, I’m just being honest here 🙂

I’ve learned that when mentors tell you to do something or read something, it’s best to just do it.

Eben Pagan aka David DeAngelo is one of the smartest guys I’ve ever learned from in both marketing as well as in dating. Therefore I take his advice.

I put off reading a lot of these books for months because I didn’t think they had anything to do with getting more girls to like me.

Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It wasn’t until a few months ago that I really started to understand why he was recommending these books.. they provide insight into human nature, why we do what we do and how to truly become a mature masculine man.

The first book that I dove into of this nature was King, Warrior, Magician, Lover which talks about the 4 archetypes of the masculine man.

Honestly when I  first started reading this book, I was thinking what the hell did I get myself into? (I’ve found that this is usually a good sign)

After finishing the book I realized that there is a combination of all of these archetypes in every man and it was all about finding a balance that works for you.

We all have the King, the Magician, the Warrior and the Lover inside ourselves. It was profound when I started to recognize why I would become territorial about things and why I felt certain feelings when hanging out with certain people.

I wrote a blog post with more information on these archetypes here.

Me? A Superior Man?

I remember when the book The Way of The Superior Man came in the mail. I looked at it and was instantly intimidated.

It said right on the front cover “A Spiritual Guide To Mastering The Challenges of Women, Work and Sexual Desire”. Seriously, what was I getting myself into?

This book talked about becoming a mature masculine man and giving up all the bullsh** that comes with being a boy.

I thought to myself “oh man, I can’t act like a jackass at all anymore” and got a little sad…

However, after reading the book, I realized it was more about becoming true to yourself and accepting who you are and evolving into who you ultimately want to become.

Nice! I can still act like a goof from time to time!  It talks about how to really connect with your true purpose in life, how to find out what women really want, what makes a good lover for women and a ton of other stuff.

How did I get sucked into something like this? All I was supposed to care about was picking up hot girls anywhere I went!

The Lesson

  • You need to be fulfilled whether you are single or in a relationship.
  • You need to live a life that makes you happy and a life that is interesting to you.
  • You need to find a way to add value to another person and the only way you can do that is by improving yourself.

It’s dumb for any man to expect a woman to just be attracted to him for playing video games and drinking beer.(don’t we all wish)

The man needs to be in pursuit of his personal mission and doing things that improve him as a person so that he is fulfilled himself. A woman will only add to your life and can not be the sole reason for a man’s happiness.

Learning from these “masters of pick-up” has taught me the important aspects of how attraction works between men and women, but I never expected it to help me grow as a person.

I now understand why some women are attracted to jerks and not necessarily the “nice guys” and why certain traits about a man are attractive to women. This is great because the things that yield this result actually bring the man on a journey of becoming a man.

The cool thing is that I don’t have to be a jerk to attract these girls either. I can be chivalrous and very polite so my momma is proud, yet still build up attraction and sexual tension. It’s honestly amazing how much I’ve learned and how I can still be a good guy to girls while busting on them and having a fun relationship.

I’m so grateful that I stumbled across this information and will continue to read more and more about attraction, becoming a better man and everything else that I can devour within this community.

I never thought that learning about hooking up with girls would take me on a journey of learning about things like reading body language, learning about NLP, and various other things.

Have you ever studied anything that has to do with picking up guys or girls? If so, what are your experiences? Did you learn a higher message than what was just on the surface?

 

 

Chris Hughes

Chris loves learning, going on adventures, surfing and having fun.
Chris on Google+

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below

Joshua Zamora - June 12, 2011 Reply

Great post man! Altough I’ve never studied picking up girls it seems very similar to personal development which i have dug into a lot. Becoming a better you and asking would I go out with myself?

Debbie Webb - June 12, 2011 Reply

Right on! Too many people think that a certain thing will make them happy and bring endless cheerfulness.
Accept where you are and proactively allow it to be better.
You will attract others into your life who are in the same groove as yourself.

Angela Johnson - June 12, 2011 Reply

I dunno. i’m thrilled to read of a man so enthusiastically pursuing self-evolution, but the source material, eh… i mean there are numerous reasons why the PUA lairs have a bad rap — the code names, the acronyms, the posts all tend to paint the crew with the  misogynistic objectification of  women similar to rounds of golf brush, if you know what i mean. 

And really at the end of the day aren’t you simply learning to be open, to be genuine , to treat yourself and others with honesty and respect, recognition and  distanced acceptance of  each individual’s stage on their own journey.  that’s what makes anyone cool.  do you really need a PUA’s coaching program and syllabus for that?  Duh, aren’t those the qualities women keep telling men over and over again that we’re looking for only to hear you don’t understand what we’re talking about? 

As for the dating thing, you can pick up as many women as you want but the key to a lasting relationship is the exploration in the bedroom of what leaves your partner breathless, exhausted and sated in open enthusiastic abandonment so there’s no doubt it’s all about her and not a paint by numbers guide bought online. 

But what do i know :p

Chris Hughes - June 12, 2011 Reply

yeah exactly bro! Reflecting on who you are as a person and if you are truly on a mission to be the best you is awesome. Asking yourself if you’d go out with yourself is another huge thing. If you don’t personally believe you have value and live a good life, how are you going to attract someone else who will believe that?

Chris Hughes - June 12, 2011 Reply

Hey Angela! The source material is what initially interested me, but I’ve found that there was way more to just picking up chicks than being able to be called a PUA. After learning more about how communities are built and how different acronyms and are used among communities makes me understand why they use terms and things like that.

I believe you are 100% correct with the end of the day being about being open, genuine, treating people with respect and honesty being the most important things. However, I personally didn’t understand that initially. It wasn’t until I started learning about pick-up that I became aware of it. I guess being a man, I am stubborn and didn’t want to listen to women because I felt like they didn’t even know what they wanted. 

As I’ve grown, I’m learning that it is true and that any woman who is worth my time will be willing to help me grow along the journey and help me become a better person. I’m extremely thankful for this as well because it’s taught me about what qualities I truly wanted in a companion and it wasn’t all about looks. I’ve met some very attractive girls because of this material, but looks were the only thing they had going for them. 

I love what you say about the key to a lasting relationship and absolutely believe in that. The thing is, a few years ago when I first started learning about this I don’t think I would accept it as the truth. That’s why I’m grateful for having learned this stuff, because it’s allowed me to evolve and be able to connect on a deeper level with people like you, who can help me out 🙂

I believe you know a LOT and can help me a ton 🙂

Chris Hughes - June 12, 2011 Reply

Yes! Absolutely Debbie 🙂 A few years ago when I thought about my future I thought i’d be doing certain things and now I don’t have any urge to do these things anymore. What brings me happiness and cheerfulness has changed as I’ve grown and I know that this is all for the best. 

Yes!!! “You will attract others into your life who are in the same groove as yourself.” love that!

Cory Shanes - June 12, 2011 Reply

PUA stuff is great, I’ve used it over the last several years to improve my abilities in sales.   Sales is just like dating, and its all about finding that balance between Class, Courage, Carisma, and Charm in your personality.  

I’d say i’ve picked up the most education from Eben’s Picking Up Girls in Bar’s and Clubs video series, and it wasn’t about picking up girls for me, it was “how to be the star of any networking event.”

Great article Chris, I never thought about blogging about the connections, and I’m glad you did.

p.S. double check your links some of them don’t open in a new window. 

Cory Shanes - June 12, 2011 Reply

PUA stuff is great, I’ve used it over the last several years to improve my abilities in sales.   Sales is just like dating, and its all about finding that balance between Class, Courage, Carisma, and Charm in your personality.  

I’d say i’ve picked up the most education from Eben’s Picking Up Girls in Bar’s and Clubs video series, and it wasn’t about picking up girls for me, it was “how to be the star of any networking event.”

Great article Chris, I never thought about blogging about the connections, and I’m glad you did.

p.S. double check your links some of them don’t open in a new window. 

Chris Hughes - June 12, 2011 Reply

It’s definitely helped with selling and becoming more comfortable when uncomfortable situations would come up. It’s taught me to be more comfortable with these experiences and has helped a TON! 

The Picking Up Girls in Bar’s and Club’s videos were definitely eye opening to me and I never thought about using them during networking events, although that seemed to have come out naturally because of learning this stuff now that I think about it. 

Thanks for the tip on links not opening, just fixed it! 

Emily West-Sadler - June 13, 2011 Reply

Fantastic post Chris love the lessons you have highlighted (so true!!) and good to see your focus on evolving – very interesting to see how PUA can help with sales, etc

I actually read The Game when I was going through my divorce because I wanted to know what men might try on me since I was going to be single and back on the dating scene lol!  I feel it gave me an insight into the behaviour of some guys … it helped me spot when one date was trying a classic Pick Up game – ditched him straight away!  However, I loved that the book ended with the author deciding that he wanted more from his relationships, that longer lasting genuine connection … I remember underlining that section and giving it to me ex!

Cheers for the reminder and keep finding those higher messages! 😉

Chris Hughes - June 13, 2011 Reply

It was definitely interesting to see how it incorporated into business and personal development when I never thought it would. 

Haha I love how you chose to read The Game to prepare yourself for what guys will be trying on you to pick ya up and I give you props for that! I’ve just started reading a book on the way women think and understanding how they view dating/relationships and am finding it extremely interesting switching paradigms and imagining being in the mind of a girl I’d like to be with. 

I will definitely keep searching for the higher meanings and continue to share them here. I never knew people would actually be open and accepting of me learning about this stuff! I was so nervous to hit “Publish” and then share, yet it seems to be something that really resonates with people 🙂

Angela Johnson - June 15, 2011 Reply

Lol, yah i can teach by example in the “what not to do” category 😉

Kimberlee Allum-Wilkes - June 17, 2011 Reply

Interesting. I am the mom of two preschool aged sons, and it fascinates me how men evolve 

Chris McCann - June 17, 2011 Reply

Hey man great article!

You have a very unique writing style. Have I learned anything on picking up girls lately? Lol it’s interesting because I find that the more I learn about marketing strategies…the more correlation I see between it and picking up girls (Hello Call to Action!) haha.I was going to subscribe to your newsletter/opt in form cuz I liked this……………but then I realized you don’t have one..what gives bro?!?!Looking forward to the next post 😀

Chris - June 17, 2011 Reply

Hey man great article!

You have a very unique writing style. Have I learned anything on picking up girls lately? Lol it’s interesting because I find that the more I learn about marketing strategies…the more correlation I see between it and picking up girls (Hello Call to Action!) haha.

I was going to subscribe to your newsletter/opt in form cuz I liked this……………but then I realized you don’t have one..what gives bro?!?!

Looking forward to the next post 😀

Chris_YoungEntrepreneurLife.co - June 17, 2011 Reply

Hey man great article!

You have a very unique writing style. Have I learned anything on picking up girls lately? Lol it’s interesting because I find that the more I learn about marketing strategies…the more correlation I see between it and picking up girls (Hello Call to Action!) haha.

I was going to subscribe to your newsletter/opt in form cuz I liked this……………but then I realized you don’t have one..what gives bro?!?!

Looking forward to the next post 😀

Chris Hughes - June 17, 2011 Reply

it’s definitely interesting! It’ll be fun to watch your sons grow into men 🙂

Chris Hughes - June 17, 2011 Reply

Thanks Chris! There’s definitely a major correlation between picking up chicks and marketing yourself. It’s all about the experience and the USP! haha

My newsletter didn’t pop up? It should have after ~7 seconds of being on the blog….damn, maybe I’ll need to mess with it to get it fixed! 

Chris Hughes - June 17, 2011 Reply

haha well we can at least learn what not to do then? :-p although I’m sure you know what you want and can at least provide some insight 🙂

Carol - June 17, 2011 Reply

Your learning one of the great keys to life! Changing and evolving is a process. Your going to be a great catch for a lucky woman. Women dream of men who are willing to grow and evolve together. Great tips from your readers also. 🙂  Have you heard of the book Soulshaping by Jeff Brown? I recently reviewed his book, interviewed him and held a live author chat with Jeff. He talks about the male archetypes. You can find him on Facebook. After reading your post I feel you might be interested in his writing.

Chris Hughes - June 18, 2011 Reply

Hey Carol, hehe I always strive to make girlfriends feel lucky and grateful for knowing me/being with me 🙂

The comments from readers is definitely helping me grow even faster and I love them for all their help and willingness to help me grow :)I have not heard of the Soulshaping book though. Do you have a review that I can read? 

Michele - June 18, 2011 Reply

Too funny Chris.  You’re a great writing, I even took the ‘hook’ and subscribed to ya.  Geesh!  Look forward to more. 🙂
 (FB-Wordpress)

Chris Hughes - June 18, 2011 Reply

Thanks Michele 🙂 haha I love that you subscribed and hope we can chat soon!

Chris Hughes - June 19, 2011 Reply

awesome thanks for sharing Carol 🙂

Leave a Reply: