Asking Difficult Questions

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Today something happened that I was completely uncomfortable with. So what better thing than to blog about it and find a way to become comfortable with it?

I’ve been struggling lately with finding clients and really getting businesses to pay me what I feel I am worth. I might need to take a full-time job temporarily in order to cover all of my expenses because I haven’t been making as much money as I need to.

This led me to having a sort of break down earlier today…

In the post I wrote about The More Personal The Emotion, The More Universal It Is, I wrote about how I was learning to become more comfortable with the feelings I experience and how I can learn to use them to my advantage.  I also realized that the emotions I was feeling were extremely personal and therefore I expected that they must be in other people to.

Today I had some feelings that I haven’t felt in a while:

-Sad
-Frustration
-Disappointment in myself
-that I was worthless
-the I was a complete failure
-that I was stupid
-that I was angry for not making more money

I initially felt grief about my life, but then started asking myself questions…

“How do I truly feel?”

This was the first question I asked that led to those answers above.

The next question I asked was…

“Why do I feel this way?”

My answer for this was because my checking account is extremely low and that I haven’t been generating enough income to cover everything that I’d like to accomplish. I truly felt like I had no idea where the money was going to come from and if the money would even come to me.

Of course writing this down made me feel even more of those emotions that I listed above, but it also made me extremely pissed off. I felt myself get tense and start to get mad.

Normally when I get mad I would go to the gym (which I did twice today), but the first thing I did was some breathing exercises and got even more specific. Yes, I asked myself more questions.

Image: graur razvan ionut / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

What can I do about it?

This led me to a few different answers. The first is to get a job, which is something that I am scared to do because I don’t want to get completely sucked into a corporate culture and forget completely about my Entrepreneurial dreams. I do understand that it can only be temporary, but I still have that feeling.

The next answer was to SELL MORE STUFF.

I of course like this answer better and this led me to creating more content for niche blogs I have, working on finishing up a website for a client so that I can get the rest of the check from her and have her be a happy camper. This also led me to a point where I needed to question myself on where I can find new people to pay me to do stuff I’m good at.

I’ve never been someone to ask for help. I pride myself on being able to do things myself. It might be that I’m stubborn, or it could be because I hate having to admit I lost and need assistance.

Well, this is all part of my personal growth and I truly do need help. I need to find a way to make $3,000 a month every single month so that I can cover all of my living expenses and have some money to invest.

This led me to writing this post and to asking for your help, if you don’t mind helping that is. If you know of anyone who could benefit from any of the services I offer, that would be awesome. If not, no big deal.

Also, I want to ask you a question on a more personal level if you don’t mind…

Do you have any other suggestions for questions to ask myself that will help me grow as a person?

About Chris Hughes Chris loves learning, going on adventures, surfing and having fun. Chris on Google+

  • Lauren Huston June 17, 2011, 2:51 am

    Wow, this is the raw truth here, Chris! Good for you. I think that many entrepreneurs (if not close to all of us) feel this way at one time or another! There is probably a happy medium here. Yes, you can definitely sell more and build up more of a clientele. Sure, you could get a job. OR…what about working a part-time job that will bring in some steady income while still allowing you to pursue your entrepreneurial dreams? I think there are a lot of us (myself included) who rely on incomes from a few sources. While it might not be exactly what you want to do, seeing your cash flow increase might decrease some of the stressors and negative emotions that you are feeling. 

  • Chris Hughes June 17, 2011, 3:03 am

    I can definitely do the part-time job gig, which i’ve been doing a little bit of. It isn’t really “part-time” though because it’s only 5-10 hours a week. I’ll need to find another part-time job to work even more I’m thinking. 

    I’ll definitely keep looking into that and asking people in Orlando if they need any help with anything that I could do for them :) Hopefully it leads to fun stuff that is meaningful and not just drone-work that a computer could do. 

  • Terry Crosby June 17, 2011, 3:31 am

    Thank you for being to transparent and honest. That takes real courage that I certainly don’t have. You are doing all the right things for growth. The only thing I would ask you ask yourself is, “what do you really love to do?”. Narrow it down. Do you like building niche sites or consulting for clients. Those are two very different things. You will find success much quicker when you narrow your concentration. 

  • Terry Crosby June 17, 2011, 3:31 am

    Thank you for being to transparent and honest. That takes real courage that I certainly don’t have. You are doing all the right things for growth. The only thing I would ask you ask yourself is, “what do you really love to do?”. Narrow it down. Do you like building niche sites or consulting for clients. Those are two very different things. You will find success much quicker when you narrow your concentration. 

  • Terry Crosby June 17, 2011, 3:32 am

    Also, you do not give up your entrepreneurial dream by getting a day job. That is practical and in most cases needed. 

  • Terry Crosby June 17, 2011, 3:32 am

    Also, you do not give up your entrepreneurial dream by getting a day job. That is practical and in most cases needed. 

  • Debbie Webb June 17, 2011, 5:36 am

    You are not alone Chris! Thanks for reminding the rest of us that we aren’t alone either.
    You’re entrepreneurial dreams are closer than you think – now is the time that legends of tomorrow are made.
    You could put your posts together into an ebook and sell it, people go nuts over raw emotion. Especially when it comes from a Mr.

  • Perry Romanowski June 17, 2011, 12:08 pm

    You’re in a tough spot and getting a part time job is a great idea.  Perhaps your entrepreneurial ideas are too small.  Think bigger.

    For example, I had this idea to create a website selling rubber chickens.  It was an out-growth of a habit I had of carrying a rubber chicken around and taking wacky photos.  I would simply post the picture then have affiliate programs to sell rubber chicken.  I get traffic, then make sales.  While it’s a fun idea, it’s too small.  At best you can make like $1 or $2 on every rubber chicken sold.

    Another idea I had was to create an online training program in an area that I’m an expert in.  This took a little more effort than the rubber chicken site but I ended up making about $600 for every sale. 

    It became obvious which idea I should spend my time working on. 

    So take a look at the ideas that you are spending time on.  Forget the little ones.  Focus on the big ones.

  • Chris Hughes June 17, 2011, 3:53 pm

    Oh damn Perry that’s awesome! I definitely need to think bigger. Did you create a video training for this new training program or was it webinar style?

    Thanks for the help man, I appreciate it! 

  • Chris Hughes June 17, 2011, 3:53 pm

    Oh damn Perry that’s awesome! I definitely need to think bigger. Did you create a video training for this new training program or was it webinar style?

    Thanks for the help man, I appreciate it! 

  • Chris Hughes June 17, 2011, 3:54 pm

    My pleasure Terry. It’s part of the journey and I feel like it’s essential for me to be honest with myself if I’m ever going to blast through this road bump in my life. 

    I’ll need to sit down and map out what I truly love doing and start focusing more on that. Thanks for the help/advice :)

  • Chris Hughes June 17, 2011, 3:54 pm

    My pleasure Terry. It’s part of the journey and I feel like it’s essential for me to be honest with myself if I’m ever going to blast through this road bump in my life. 

    I’ll need to sit down and map out what I truly love doing and start focusing more on that. Thanks for the help/advice :)

  • Chris Hughes June 17, 2011, 3:57 pm

    It’s definitely been hard for me to admit to myself, but I’m trying to grow and feel like putting it out there is going to help me get through this part a little quicker. It’s also my hope that it connects with others who are in a similar position so that we can help each other grow through it :)

    I love that quote “now is the time that legends of tomorrow are made”!!!

    Maybe i’ll need to take these last few posts and put them into an eBook! I could then share action steps and an outline for people to follow to go through the same journey as I am. Do you think that would work?

  • Chris Hughes June 17, 2011, 3:57 pm

    It’s definitely been hard for me to admit to myself, but I’m trying to grow and feel like putting it out there is going to help me get through this part a little quicker. It’s also my hope that it connects with others who are in a similar position so that we can help each other grow through it :)

    I love that quote “now is the time that legends of tomorrow are made”!!!

    Maybe i’ll need to take these last few posts and put them into an eBook! I could then share action steps and an outline for people to follow to go through the same journey as I am. Do you think that would work?

  • Chris Hughes June 17, 2011, 3:57 pm

    True…now if I can just find a part-time job that I enjoy :)

  • Chris Hughes June 17, 2011, 3:57 pm

    True…now if I can just find a part-time job that I enjoy :)

  • Bobby Umar June 17, 2011, 4:29 pm

    Like you Chris, I believe in the art of asking questions. Being authentic, genuine, honest and taking a risk to go into the dark places. 

    I feel exactly the way you do sometimes and actually recently. Last month, I just lost my #3 and #4 biggest contracts this year (through no fault of my own actually, but just an external situation I had no control over) and it has taken a toll on my family’s plans (My wife was going to take a few years off with the kids, but now not likely).   One of the hardest things is to ask people for stuff, whether it’s clients, friends, or heck even my family.

    When asked to do my recent  TEDx talk, I decided my ‘big idea’ was to talk about connection that is deep, genuine, and authentic. It is very similar to what you are talking about above, and so your message really resonated with me.  Thank you for sharing, let’s all help each other out, and I hope I can pass along a very big virtual HUG!

    The big questions I would ask are:
    “What is my value to people?”
    “What is the worst that could happen?”
    “What is the best that could happen?”
    “How can I make a difference?”

    The value you add I am sure is appreciated, but most people don’t realize that even a little effort on their part can help you tremendously. They also would help if asked. Good luck!

  • Debbie Webb June 17, 2011, 6:26 pm

    Self help and personal growth are both hot keywords. If you do a book you might want to target those and you will really be drawing the peeps who need it.

  • Chris Hughes June 17, 2011, 6:33 pm

    Maybe i’ll need to do that! It would be awesome to be able to help more people that way. I just wonder how I could add enough value into it. Maybe I could just sell it for like $7 ?

  • Chris Hughes June 17, 2011, 7:31 pm

    It’s scary going into the dark places but I’m glad to know that other people are experiencing similar things. 

    I’m sorry to hear about your contracts falling through, but I know that you will be able to find new contracts to cover that and get your families plans back on track! 

    btw, I LOVED the TEDx talk and everyone should check it out here > http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piKHZWhzTYU

    Thank you for more questions! I’ll be going through these today and over the weekend to get even deeper into the truth. 

    I’ve been nervous to ask for help, but I guess i’ve provided a lot of value so these people will be willing to help. I’ve already experienced this with one person telling her whole network about me which led to 1 new client :) 

  • Peter Fuller MBA June 17, 2011, 8:29 pm

    Hey Chris

    We all go through asking difficult questions.You want to make $3,000 per month?

    Get in front of people face to face and offer your services at your price, non-negotiable.

    Peter

  • Perry Romanowski June 17, 2011, 11:11 pm

    It was a 12-lesson video training series.  Each video was about 90 minutes long and it took me all summer to make.  I sold 25 spots before filming a single lesson.  It was great.  It worked out so well that I was able to sell it off and am now working with a publisher having them handle all the particulars with me collecting royalties. 

    I’m working on my next project which will launch sometime in the fall.

  • Anonymous June 17, 2011, 11:34 pm

    If possible, try and find something that will help build your skills related to your businesses.  At least this way you’ll be getting both a paycheck and experience that will make you more valuable to your clients.

  • Chris Hughes June 18, 2011, 1:00 am

    yeah, $3,000 each month would pay all of my bills and provide some money for fun stuff. Then I can focus on other income generating assets. 

    How would you recommend getting in front of more people? Cold calling and going into businesses or through networking events?

    Thanks Peter!

  • Chris Hughes June 19, 2011, 6:05 pm

    oh nice! How did you go about pre-selling this course? Did you charge them all the full price up front or 50% up front and the other 50% after?

  • Chris Hughes June 19, 2011, 6:05 pm

    good tip there Derek! 

  • Perry Romanowski June 20, 2011, 12:52 pm

    If people signed up before the course opened, they received a $100 discount.  But everything was paid in full immediately. 

  • Sarah Bonse June 29, 2011, 2:08 pm

    Recently I asked myself many of these same questions. I realized I was lost because all I was focusing on was making more money. I finally sat down and asked myself what my goals were, despite money. As a plan began to form I realized it could be as profitable as I needed it to be, as long as I remained focused and true to my goals. It sounds vague and maybe not like a real answer but I think we can get far too distracted by what we aren’t accomplishing and not focus on our goals and how to achieve them. 

  • Chris Hughes June 29, 2011, 9:53 pm

    Did you find that these questions were really difficult to ask yourself, Sarah? 

  • Anonymous February 11, 2012, 12:11 pm

    Hi Chris, your blog from today was the first that I’ve read.  My EI (Emotional Intelligence) is much higher than my IQ. I give you alot of credit for your writing honestly. And, spoken or not we all have these feelings of self-doubt.  I beleive speaking to others about feelings is on the rise and those that take the time to share are the people who will move to the top.  It’s been said that IQ will get you the job, but EQ will get you the promotion.
     
    It’s time to put that ego and pride to the side, and ask for help, whether it’s something for your professional growth or your emotional growth.  When asked, most people are happy to help.  It is said sometimes you have to surrender in order to win

  • Chris Hughes February 12, 2012, 12:42 pm

    Thanks man. It was definitely difficult for me to hit “publish” but I felt better about it after. 

    Do you have any tips for increasing my EI? 

  • Darcy Joyce December 16, 2013, 1:28 am

    This post definitely resonates with how I’ve felt post-graduation. Your authenticity really gives me a lot of strength and it’s reassuring to know other people know your struggle.

    Even more reassuring is the fact that this was written two years ago because it demonstrates just how far someone can grow in so little time. Then and now…wow, mind blowing. I hope my journey is similar.

    By the way, can’t wait to see you in a few days!

  • Chris Hughes January 29, 2014, 9:21 am

    Darcy, it’s definitely a scary transition time. I remember being scared at this time and unsure about when things would start to improve.

    Good thing I stuck with it or I’d have missed out on a ton of different adventures and huge breakthroughs :)

    Keep pushing forward and I know you’ll experience the success you deserve!

  • a June 20, 2014, 5:16 pm

    Very nice article, totally what I wanted to find.

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