Today something happened that I was completely uncomfortable with. So what better thing than to blog about it and find a way to become comfortable with it?
I’ve been struggling lately with finding clients and really getting businesses to pay me what I feel I am worth. I might need to take a full-time job temporarily in order to cover all of my expenses because I haven’t been making as much money as I need to.
This led me to having a sort of break down earlier today…
In the post I wrote about The More Personal The Emotion, The More Universal It Is, I wrote about how I was learning to become more comfortable with the feelings I experience and how I can learn to use them to my advantage. I also realized that the emotions I was feeling were extremely personal and therefore I expected that they must be in other people to.
Today I had some feelings that I haven’t felt in a while:
-Disappointment in myself
-that I was worthless
-the I was a complete failure
-that I was stupid
-that I was angry for not making more money
I initially felt grief about my life, but then started asking myself questions…
“How do I truly feel?”
This was the first question I asked that led to those answers above.
The next question I asked was…
“Why do I feel this way?”
My answer for this was because my checking account is extremely low and that I haven’t been generating enough income to cover everything that I’d like to accomplish. I truly felt like I had no idea where the money was going to come from and if the money would even come to me.
Of course writing this down made me feel even more of those emotions that I listed above, but it also made me extremely pissed off. I felt myself get tense and start to get mad.
Normally when I get mad I would go to the gym (which I did twice today), but the first thing I did was some breathing exercises and got even more specific. Yes, I asked myself more questions.
What can I do about it?
This led me to a few different answers. The first is to get a job, which is something that I am scared to do because I don’t want to get completely sucked into a corporate culture and forget completely about my Entrepreneurial dreams. I do understand that it can only be temporary, but I still have that feeling.
The next answer was to SELL MORE STUFF.
I of course like this answer better and this led me to creating more content for niche blogs I have, working on finishing up a website for a client so that I can get the rest of the check from her and have her be a happy camper. This also led me to a point where I needed to question myself on where I can find new people to pay me to do stuff I’m good at.
I’ve never been someone to ask for help. I pride myself on being able to do things myself. It might be that I’m stubborn, or it could be because I hate having to admit I lost and need assistance.
Well, this is all part of my personal growth and I truly do need help. I need to find a way to make $3,000 a month every single month so that I can cover all of my living expenses and have some money to invest.
This led me to writing this post and to asking for your help, if you don’t mind helping that is. If you know of anyone who could benefit from any of the services I offer, that would be awesome. If not, no big deal.
Also, I want to ask you a question on a more personal level if you don’t mind…